I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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