Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
