I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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