I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
