Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
