I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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