Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
