You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
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He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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