I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
tell me about the eggs
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