i just had sex bonerless
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
