Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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