Already got asked if we're dating
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
