I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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