ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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