You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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