So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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