Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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