Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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