You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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