just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
