I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize