I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
