and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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