My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you mean i was at the winter classic?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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