No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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