3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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