Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
