he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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