FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
