i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize