Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
