Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
