last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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