You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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