that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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