Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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