I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
