Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
