good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
