I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
