well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
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She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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