I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
