Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
