At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
