i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
