The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
