you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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