I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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