have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
How does one acquire holy water?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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