just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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