Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
