He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
