These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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