Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
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Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
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For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize