you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
