you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
