Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
