Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
