He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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