the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
