Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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